we have
big news. i was just accepted to the university of pennsylvania. i’ll be
getting my master’s in their international educational development program. look it up here! penn’s graduate school of education is #5 in
the united states. and they accepted
me! isn’t that crazy?! i get to move to philadelphia, be stretched
and grown along with a cohort of just 30 others and be given a chance to get an
academic perspective on all my life experiences. thankfully, ray is just as excited with
me…even when we think of the wintery snow!
but all
this change and newness means one of the most painful goodbyes yet. we have LOVED our life here and dread leaving
it—especially the incredible people who make this life so rich.
even
though it’s been a full year of studying for and taking the GRE, applying to
different schools and being open to what lay ahead, this decision is brand
new. we didn’t want to make a big deal
out of something that might not happen. but, of course, that now means having a short window in which to close
up our lives and say goodbye.
to
leave my life as a teacher of TCKs alongside incredible colleagues is
painful. these last four years have been
the best of my life.
after
the miscarriage last year, ray and i realised we really did want to be
parents. as we sifted through the
possibilities, we narrowed it down to two main paths of about 5 years each:
stay in thailand or move elsewhere. adoption in thailand is free, but costly in time. we couldn’t count on ray’s contracting job lasting
longer than a year and didn’t know how long the adoption process could take
(but we knew it would be at least a number of years). in the same amount of time, we realised we
could leave to pursue adoption that is costly, but more time-efficient. we’ve decided it’s time to earn some income to
enable us to achieve this goal (plus, this master’s is in a field that i’ve
been passionate about since i was little). so i worked hard this last year to be prepared for either. we left it in God’s hands; never in my life
do i remember being at such a clear fork in the road and being equally content
with either path.
and now
the path has been chosen.
i constantly battle guilt at having so many inadequacies. this last summer i came
back with a new perspective: to fully accept that i will never do enough and to
enjoy the gift of every day anyway. i feel like this last year has been beautiful in its fullness of pure daily
appreciation. i have loved my days—even
though i never became fluent in thai or got to know all the people in our
village or remembered everyone’s birthday or served enough or was the perfect
teacher for every student or solved the world’s problems.
i have
SO MUCH lacking in myself. but i’m
taking the next step to try to get a little better so i can help a little
more. i will never arrive in this life,
but neither will i stop traveling. as
always, i’m grateful to have ray as my partner on this journey. our marriage has grown so deeply here in thailand and i can’t believe that at least we get to take each other out of
here to help the other remember the gift of this place.
