flood

molly was ecstatic today when we got home early.  we got home early because my principal dismissed us.  my principal dismissed us because she got news the ping river flooded.  she told us about the flooding because the house we're subletting is in the flood plain.  so i left my class and we went to discover what was going on in our neighbourhood.  we've gotten lots of news about all the flooding in america these past months.  i've felt terrible for everyone affected.  we knew it was a possibility here as the ping has been dangerously close to flooding ever since we've arrived...but has never quite done so.  this is where the water has hovered:

 until today....

there was definitely a palpable feeling of panic in the air.  traffic was very heavy today during a time that is usually slow:

once ray and i arrived home we ran around like crazy trying to elevate everything we could:

the river reached the landlord's compound first:

and then made it's way through the neighbourhood...until it eventually flowed into our yard:

after we had done everything we possibly could, we were advised by a friend to cut the electricity and spend the night at his house.  we had already taken the cars to higher ground so we left by foot.  this is us leaving like refugees:

we have now brought molly the dog and the cars to our friends' house, far from the river.  we'll go back to check on the house tomorrow.  the water levels are continuing to rise--rapidly--so we might do quite a bit of wading.  this is what downtown looked like earlier today (and it's risen lots since then):

the latest weather reports say to expect steady rain until 4 october.  we're hoping that's not true, but are thankful to have a place to stay if the worst happens!  i've enjoyed the adventure of it all, but feel terrible that it's someone else's house in danger!  we'll continue to do all we can....and hopefully end up with some great stories!

hungry

i had a little meltdown yesterday.  hm, maybe the correct wording would not include little...  there were a lot of tears.  i never thought food free from gluten (or lackthereof) would be such a problem.  yesterday it coloured everything. 

there was not even rice to eat at lunch.  so i swallowed my daily lunch sullenly: 3 tasteless pieces of lettuce, 4 slices of pale tomato, 2 rings of green peppers and a handful of very hard flavorless beans.  i just couldn't get any more down.  it's the same lunch every day.  across the table the delicious scent of thai coconut chicken curry wafted into my entire being.  the lady eating it complained loudly for the entirety of lunch: 'this is too spicy!  i can SEE the red flakes of spice!  doesn't everyone think this is awful?!' no one did.  and her ungratefulness made me want to dump the plate of food on her. 

i don't usually feel SO angry.  yeah, it's frustrating to not be able to eat what i want, but at least i'm healthy!  but the last week i haven't felt healthy.  i don't have enough fuel through the day.  i ended the last 6 days with a raging headache, no energy, and a loudly growling stomach.  i am always so very hungry! and yesterday it all came to a head.  all i could see was the rest of my life in thailand stretched out for endless oblivion, filled with meal after meal of flavorless vegetables, while being taunted by some of the world's most amazing food.

i left (so as not to throw any plates) and tried to give myself a pep talk on the way back to my classroom.  instead, i went the bathroom and cried.  after 3 more hours at school, i went home and cried for another hour.  i probably wailed the phrase, 'i'm just so hungry' forty-plus times.  ray sat and listened quietly.  he wisely did not try to fix anything.  after i was done wailing i kissed him and said, 'thank you.'  

later i thought about the future.  is this not going to work?  am i not going to stay in an incredible place, doing what i love most, because of the food?  food is pretty important but so is doing what you love...

i really do believe God Himself wants us here.  He worked countless miracles to enable us to move here.  and our lives have already been greatly enriched these last six weeks in thailand.  so if i truly believe that, do i truly believe God is enough?

i work with some incredible people.  many have challenged me deeply.  one lady's husband is in afghanistan for the year.  instead of saying, 'wow, this year will be awful without him,' she felt like she should use the year to serve.  so she packed up her kids and they moved from alaska to thailand (alaska to thailand!) to help in any way possible.  she's the one who subbed for me the entire week i was out with bronchitis.  her son is in my class and i love him. 

one of the speech therapists here is married to a lawyer.  they both could have stayed in a posh neighbourhood in the west, living the good life.  instead they gave up their lucrative careers to serve here.  their personalities are perfectly suited for thailand; their love for everyone surrounding them is so evident. 

yes, people and money and food are all necessary.  but the absence of these beautiful parts of our lives can make us more dependent on God; thus we are able to be used more.  and if asked by God to forgo them for a season, am i truly willing?  is He enough? 

back at school

i got to go back to school today. it was beautiful.

i was greeted by this sign:














here are some of the incredible kids i have the privilege of working with:

 

here was a totally random visitor in our classroom (please note: we are NOWHERE near the ocean!):

 i love these kids.  ...i am truly blessed.

being sick

i have been stuck at home with bronchitis for the last full week.  i had no voice, i got my husband just as sick as me and we were both too weak to take care of the other.  it was a long week!  being sick like that is lonely.  especially in a new place like this.  to go a week with no conversation or people is like starvation to me.  the days stretched ever longer and looked continuously more bleak than the one previous. 

and i would love to say that i treated this time like a silent retreat (do you know, i actually always thought i would love such a thing?!  now i can’t imagine how i could possibly benefit; i would melt away until there was nothing left of me.  no human interaction=death to me!).  i would love to say that i read incredible books, thought deep thoughts and wrote inspiring letters to people.  alas, i focused on trying to breathe and watched movie after movie that did nothing to better me, but simply passed the hours.  

part of me feels frustrated with myself because i, of all people, should be good at being sick.  i’ve been sick for a 1/3 of my life!  from the summers of 99-09 i was constantly ill.  i caught everything ‘going around’ and almost everything not ‘going around.’  i never had a day with zero pain and often battled depression due to feeling like an old women in my twenties.  what started with a case of undiagnosed mono turned into a decade of unknown illness.  it wasn’t until 2009 when ray found a story of someone with celiac disease on the internet and i had a good doctor who pushed the gluten-free diet more than drugs that my life changed. 

the change has been glorious.  i feel like i have flown through the last two years of my life instead of crawling.  i live pain-free, have lost 50 pounds, and have energy to spare at the end of the day.  and while it’s sometimes hard to not always be able to eat what i want, it’s worth it to truly live. 

i don’t want to forget the last decade.  it forged me into someone different.  i understand patience differently.  i understand God’s plan for our lives often looks terribly different than what i want.  i understand long-term pain.  i understand being viewed as weak by others, but how that should not shape me.  these are valuable lessons.  and because of them i am desperate to be as full of joy as possible.  i have been given a second chance.  i have been given healing, which not everyone will receive on this earth. 

so when i get as sick as i have been this last week, i don’t dismay.  i feel terrible, yes, at having others pick up my slack and missing out on everyday life. but i know there’s hope.  i know there’s AN END.  for every lonely, silent minute of not being able to breathe, i know there are many more coming of joyful laughter.  and those minutes will be infinitely more beautiful to me because of missing them.

i’m not trying to say that i have joy only because i have healing.  i had to decide long ago that even if i died after years of pain that life was still worth living because i have the chance to know God.  indeed, much joy comes in mourning.  but since i have healing, let me never take health for granted.  let me never squander an opportunity to rejoice.

 

missing...

today i got glutenized...  actually it happened both yesterday and today.  i ate something i thought was safe, so i tried it again today.  i commented to ray that i was feeling lethargic and having stomach problems, but it WAS friday today and the stomach problems could have been from anything!

after lunch today, though, after a second round of gluten (i was originally told yesterday's and today's lunch did not include soy sauce...and then later i was told that 'everything has soy sauce in it!  it's too delicious to leave out!'  ahh, the joys of the language barrier) my glutenization was complete: body aches, severe stomach pain, exhaustion (at one point i was in front of my class and thought i couldn't keep my eyes open!), dizziness, etc. 

two good things: the attack was nowhere near as bad as it has always been in america, for which i'm very thankful (still can't be trying to sneak little bits of gluten in, though, or i'll end up back where i was).  and secondly: it's friday!  i have the whole weekend to feel awful, recover and be ready for school again on monday!

despite the positives, i admit: i'm feeling a little sorry for myself.  i love good food and am tired of having to be so paranoid all the time.  so i let my mind wander and start missing things....

i didn't even eat that many bread products before, but of course now that the option is gone, i want bread and pancakes and brownies and white cake and crusted cheesecake and wraps and....

 

i miss beans!  dry beans, canned beans, beans of all kinds!  this is my favourite sort of protein!

i miss cherries and blueberries terribly!

i'm craving gfree oats today (and everyday...).

i miss the beautiful saute pan ray bought me for christmas (good cooking tools don't seem to be high on anyone's list here).

i miss bert's bees radiance body lotion (random, i know).

 and finally, i miss gfree soy sauce (the antithesis of which started this whole ordeal)!

ok, i think i got it all out....  i'm not asking for pity.  i LOVE being here!  i can get pineapples for $0.65 and will probably find some supernatural soap for my face.  i get to spend every day with some of the world's best kids and meet beautiful people and discover incredible things about a rich culture...and myself....and God.  i'm just venting. 

tomorrow i'll take some aleve to help with the pain and rest lots and stay close to a bathroom.  i'll be just fine!  but in the meantime, i'll fall asleep being thankful for all the times i had the above items at my disposal!