anna

i have a student who's becoming a pathological liar.  i'll call her anna.  last week i called her on it.  i dismissed the class, asked anna to stay behind, and pressed her about not doing her homework--again.  and anna gave me yet another story, contradicting the story she had given just minutes before.

let me back up a bit...  anna's parents work in another country and she is in a dorm here in chiang mai.  a twelve-year-old girl, separated from her parents so they can continue the work they do and she can get a good education.  and anna doesn't like it.  in fact, she can't concentrate on any of her work, she cries herself to sleep every night and she's now been diagnosed with depression.  i hurt for anna terribly.  she's up against SO MUCH.  but i also am trying to help her be a successful part of the class.  and doing NO WORK is not helping her grow or learn or feel accomplished.

so on the day last week when anna was spewing forth her many stories, i finally said gently, 'do you know what i think?  i think there are some terrible things going on.  and i think it makes it hard for you to focus.  which means you get further behind in your work.  and then you get so overwhelmed you start feeling desperate and THEN you start doing things you don't agree with.  do you think any part of that is true?'  the tears started.  i went around the desk to give anna a hug.  she started sobbing.  so i held her and tried to channel my mom and started tearing up myself.  i felt angry at the situation.  i felt empathy for anna.  i felt completely helpless.  it's NOT FAIR that anna has to be separated from her family.  it's not fair that she has to choose between parents and education. 

i eventually told her that it wasn't fair.  'but,' i said.  'there are many things that aren't right and are out of your control, true.  BUT let's focus on the things you CAN control.  doing your homework doesn't seem like a big deal in the midst of all your pain.  but at least it's something that at the end of the day, you can put your name on and say to yourself that you did something and can stop the lying and sneaking around.'  and anna said she wanted that so badly. 

we came up with a plan: a timetable and people to call for help (homework and otherwise) and how to tell me (instead of lie to me) when she's overwhelmed.  i made appointments for her with a counselor.  i prayed with her.  eventually the sobbing calmed down to sniffling and even a smile. 

later i went back in my room and found this note on my desk:

people who know me well know that i often struggle with feeling like i'm not doing enough.  here i am in thailand, still not feeling like i'm worthy of being here.  but i came to be support.  i support kids while they go through major transition.  i support families by giving a solid education to their children.  i support anna while she tries to make sense of life at 12.  and for right now, that's enough.  i'm no more worthy, but i am willing.  i can't take the pain away from anna but i can hold her hand and listen.  i can point her to the Truth, give hugs and love her fiercely.

things spotted on the back of vehicles

i think this chedi was going to get repainted

 

 

a bonsai garden

at least four people

bad fashion

durian (worst fruit known to humankind)--credit for this picture: maia schroeder

some sort of electronic

gas canisters (i guess this is more on the side than the back)

rescued dogs

rescued people

a few baskets

pyramid

recently i had a conversation with a friend about transition and the unique issues that surface when it occurs.  she brought up maslow's hierarchy of needs and said how every time we have a major transition in life, we almost always have to start working through that pyramid again.  we need to make sure basic needs like shelter, food and clothing are met.  then we can move on to starting friendships and eventually to being creative again.  i laughed, 'i feel like i'm not only on the bottom level; i am a bottom feeder on the bottom level.'

we've lived so comfortably since getting here...but it's not our house where we can put out our few things.  we haven't even unpacked our suitcases except for our clothes!  and i've already talked about how hard finding the right food has been.

ever since break, though, i feel like we've been in a better place.  ironically, there have been some pretty intense, stressful things going on, but we both are doing better than we would have two months ago.  i think we've both been pursuing our relationship with God more; that's changed our focus dramatically.  beyond that, we've been falling into more consistent relationships with some great people.  we've found some delicious restaurants that feed us TOO much! :)  we're looking at renting possibilities, knowing we can put up our few pictures.

we're moving up that pyramid.  at some point i'll be surfing along the biggest waves the ocean can offer--far, far away from the bottom.

why grace?

this short video beautifully expresses the incredible things being done through grace international school.  we're proud to be a part of it!

yi peng festival

we had one of the most beautiful experiences this past weekend...  saturday night truly left us breathless.

first: some background.  we are in the midst of the yi peng festival (it coincides with loi krathong).  it's a festival of lights.  one weekend before loi krathong (which involves floating thousands of handmade boats down the river), there is a massive sky lantern (in thai: khom loi) launch.  a multitude of people gather to send thousands of khom loi into the sky at the same moment.  it.  is.  amazing.

the crowd gets ready to light the paper lanterns.

a friend lights our khom loi.

ray helps hold it while the lantern inflates.

our group releases the khom loi!

amazing sight!

a light-filled sky.

home again

the beach was fantastic...but it's always great to be home!  some pictures from around the yard:

amaranthine orchids

fallen starfruit

green bug in a yellow flower

molly and silverleaf

snail slime

wind chimes

bird of paradise

shy torqtang

october break

I just finished 2.5 days of parent conferences.  I cannot express how well things went.  I feel so lifted up from each and every conference!  The days were long, however, and very intense.  These students are so incredible and gifted in so many areas (and almost all have very involved parents!) that there's no way to only talk about the grades.  I'm here to help these kids grow and stretch and strengthen in character.  God gave me an incredible time with each parent to work with them in helping their kids become the best they can be.  I feel both humbled that I get to do this AND inspired to keep reaching each kid beyond the academics!

It is now officially October break!  I have left piles of grading behind and come home earlier than I had planned.  My mind is so crammed with ideas and philosophy and excitement for all things school that it's worn out!  So Ray decided last minute that we should take a quick trip down south to get away from it all!  How many times in life will we live so close to world-renown beaches?  And how many times will a local airline offer such crazy-good deals?  (Hm, actually, we hope the answer is often for both of those questions!)

We are truly happy here.  I feel at such peace and happiness being back in teaching, able to work with kids all day, every day.

But the transition has still been hard on both of us.  The feeling of starting all over in almost every way has made us weary.  The constant learning is exhausting.  These are common things, to be expected.  But they have indeed made us tired.  This holiday comes a good time.  We will have 4 days to relax, reflect, talk, swim and sleep!  Then we will have 3 days to explore more of this city (and I will be back at school working for a few hours each day, I'm sure).

We are privileged to be here and we are privileged to take a break! 

black&white

it was black and white day in 6th grade (as part of spirit week)!  here are some pictures of my fantastic students!

starting the day off happily!

notice how he grabbed a white eraser to fit the day's requirements!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

i love this sweet girl!

taking the opportunity to show off some all-blacks pride!

the whole 6th grade!

...and of course we had to get in on the action!

flood

molly was ecstatic today when we got home early.  we got home early because my principal dismissed us.  my principal dismissed us because she got news the ping river flooded.  she told us about the flooding because the house we're subletting is in the flood plain.  so i left my class and we went to discover what was going on in our neighbourhood.  we've gotten lots of news about all the flooding in america these past months.  i've felt terrible for everyone affected.  we knew it was a possibility here as the ping has been dangerously close to flooding ever since we've arrived...but has never quite done so.  this is where the water has hovered:

 until today....

there was definitely a palpable feeling of panic in the air.  traffic was very heavy today during a time that is usually slow:

once ray and i arrived home we ran around like crazy trying to elevate everything we could:

the river reached the landlord's compound first:

and then made it's way through the neighbourhood...until it eventually flowed into our yard:

after we had done everything we possibly could, we were advised by a friend to cut the electricity and spend the night at his house.  we had already taken the cars to higher ground so we left by foot.  this is us leaving like refugees:

we have now brought molly the dog and the cars to our friends' house, far from the river.  we'll go back to check on the house tomorrow.  the water levels are continuing to rise--rapidly--so we might do quite a bit of wading.  this is what downtown looked like earlier today (and it's risen lots since then):

the latest weather reports say to expect steady rain until 4 october.  we're hoping that's not true, but are thankful to have a place to stay if the worst happens!  i've enjoyed the adventure of it all, but feel terrible that it's someone else's house in danger!  we'll continue to do all we can....and hopefully end up with some great stories!

hungry

i had a little meltdown yesterday.  hm, maybe the correct wording would not include little...  there were a lot of tears.  i never thought food free from gluten (or lackthereof) would be such a problem.  yesterday it coloured everything. 

there was not even rice to eat at lunch.  so i swallowed my daily lunch sullenly: 3 tasteless pieces of lettuce, 4 slices of pale tomato, 2 rings of green peppers and a handful of very hard flavorless beans.  i just couldn't get any more down.  it's the same lunch every day.  across the table the delicious scent of thai coconut chicken curry wafted into my entire being.  the lady eating it complained loudly for the entirety of lunch: 'this is too spicy!  i can SEE the red flakes of spice!  doesn't everyone think this is awful?!' no one did.  and her ungratefulness made me want to dump the plate of food on her. 

i don't usually feel SO angry.  yeah, it's frustrating to not be able to eat what i want, but at least i'm healthy!  but the last week i haven't felt healthy.  i don't have enough fuel through the day.  i ended the last 6 days with a raging headache, no energy, and a loudly growling stomach.  i am always so very hungry! and yesterday it all came to a head.  all i could see was the rest of my life in thailand stretched out for endless oblivion, filled with meal after meal of flavorless vegetables, while being taunted by some of the world's most amazing food.

i left (so as not to throw any plates) and tried to give myself a pep talk on the way back to my classroom.  instead, i went the bathroom and cried.  after 3 more hours at school, i went home and cried for another hour.  i probably wailed the phrase, 'i'm just so hungry' forty-plus times.  ray sat and listened quietly.  he wisely did not try to fix anything.  after i was done wailing i kissed him and said, 'thank you.'  

later i thought about the future.  is this not going to work?  am i not going to stay in an incredible place, doing what i love most, because of the food?  food is pretty important but so is doing what you love...

i really do believe God Himself wants us here.  He worked countless miracles to enable us to move here.  and our lives have already been greatly enriched these last six weeks in thailand.  so if i truly believe that, do i truly believe God is enough?

i work with some incredible people.  many have challenged me deeply.  one lady's husband is in afghanistan for the year.  instead of saying, 'wow, this year will be awful without him,' she felt like she should use the year to serve.  so she packed up her kids and they moved from alaska to thailand (alaska to thailand!) to help in any way possible.  she's the one who subbed for me the entire week i was out with bronchitis.  her son is in my class and i love him. 

one of the speech therapists here is married to a lawyer.  they both could have stayed in a posh neighbourhood in the west, living the good life.  instead they gave up their lucrative careers to serve here.  their personalities are perfectly suited for thailand; their love for everyone surrounding them is so evident. 

yes, people and money and food are all necessary.  but the absence of these beautiful parts of our lives can make us more dependent on God; thus we are able to be used more.  and if asked by God to forgo them for a season, am i truly willing?  is He enough? 

back at school

i got to go back to school today. it was beautiful.

i was greeted by this sign:














here are some of the incredible kids i have the privilege of working with:

 

here was a totally random visitor in our classroom (please note: we are NOWHERE near the ocean!):

 i love these kids.  ...i am truly blessed.

being sick

i have been stuck at home with bronchitis for the last full week.  i had no voice, i got my husband just as sick as me and we were both too weak to take care of the other.  it was a long week!  being sick like that is lonely.  especially in a new place like this.  to go a week with no conversation or people is like starvation to me.  the days stretched ever longer and looked continuously more bleak than the one previous. 

and i would love to say that i treated this time like a silent retreat (do you know, i actually always thought i would love such a thing?!  now i can’t imagine how i could possibly benefit; i would melt away until there was nothing left of me.  no human interaction=death to me!).  i would love to say that i read incredible books, thought deep thoughts and wrote inspiring letters to people.  alas, i focused on trying to breathe and watched movie after movie that did nothing to better me, but simply passed the hours.  

part of me feels frustrated with myself because i, of all people, should be good at being sick.  i’ve been sick for a 1/3 of my life!  from the summers of 99-09 i was constantly ill.  i caught everything ‘going around’ and almost everything not ‘going around.’  i never had a day with zero pain and often battled depression due to feeling like an old women in my twenties.  what started with a case of undiagnosed mono turned into a decade of unknown illness.  it wasn’t until 2009 when ray found a story of someone with celiac disease on the internet and i had a good doctor who pushed the gluten-free diet more than drugs that my life changed. 

the change has been glorious.  i feel like i have flown through the last two years of my life instead of crawling.  i live pain-free, have lost 50 pounds, and have energy to spare at the end of the day.  and while it’s sometimes hard to not always be able to eat what i want, it’s worth it to truly live. 

i don’t want to forget the last decade.  it forged me into someone different.  i understand patience differently.  i understand God’s plan for our lives often looks terribly different than what i want.  i understand long-term pain.  i understand being viewed as weak by others, but how that should not shape me.  these are valuable lessons.  and because of them i am desperate to be as full of joy as possible.  i have been given a second chance.  i have been given healing, which not everyone will receive on this earth. 

so when i get as sick as i have been this last week, i don’t dismay.  i feel terrible, yes, at having others pick up my slack and missing out on everyday life. but i know there’s hope.  i know there’s AN END.  for every lonely, silent minute of not being able to breathe, i know there are many more coming of joyful laughter.  and those minutes will be infinitely more beautiful to me because of missing them.

i’m not trying to say that i have joy only because i have healing.  i had to decide long ago that even if i died after years of pain that life was still worth living because i have the chance to know God.  indeed, much joy comes in mourning.  but since i have healing, let me never take health for granted.  let me never squander an opportunity to rejoice.

 

missing...

today i got glutenized...  actually it happened both yesterday and today.  i ate something i thought was safe, so i tried it again today.  i commented to ray that i was feeling lethargic and having stomach problems, but it WAS friday today and the stomach problems could have been from anything!

after lunch today, though, after a second round of gluten (i was originally told yesterday's and today's lunch did not include soy sauce...and then later i was told that 'everything has soy sauce in it!  it's too delicious to leave out!'  ahh, the joys of the language barrier) my glutenization was complete: body aches, severe stomach pain, exhaustion (at one point i was in front of my class and thought i couldn't keep my eyes open!), dizziness, etc. 

two good things: the attack was nowhere near as bad as it has always been in america, for which i'm very thankful (still can't be trying to sneak little bits of gluten in, though, or i'll end up back where i was).  and secondly: it's friday!  i have the whole weekend to feel awful, recover and be ready for school again on monday!

despite the positives, i admit: i'm feeling a little sorry for myself.  i love good food and am tired of having to be so paranoid all the time.  so i let my mind wander and start missing things....

i didn't even eat that many bread products before, but of course now that the option is gone, i want bread and pancakes and brownies and white cake and crusted cheesecake and wraps and....

 

i miss beans!  dry beans, canned beans, beans of all kinds!  this is my favourite sort of protein!

i miss cherries and blueberries terribly!

i'm craving gfree oats today (and everyday...).

i miss the beautiful saute pan ray bought me for christmas (good cooking tools don't seem to be high on anyone's list here).

i miss bert's bees radiance body lotion (random, i know).

 and finally, i miss gfree soy sauce (the antithesis of which started this whole ordeal)!

ok, i think i got it all out....  i'm not asking for pity.  i LOVE being here!  i can get pineapples for $0.65 and will probably find some supernatural soap for my face.  i get to spend every day with some of the world's best kids and meet beautiful people and discover incredible things about a rich culture...and myself....and God.  i'm just venting. 

tomorrow i'll take some aleve to help with the pain and rest lots and stay close to a bathroom.  i'll be just fine!  but in the meantime, i'll fall asleep being thankful for all the times i had the above items at my disposal!