let me back up a bit... anna's parents work in another country and she is in a dorm here in chiang mai. a twelve-year-old girl, separated from her parents so they can continue the work they do and she can get a good education. and anna doesn't like it. in fact, she can't concentrate on any of her work, she cries herself to sleep every night and she's now been diagnosed with depression. i hurt for anna terribly. she's up against SO MUCH. but i also am trying to help her be a successful part of the class. and doing NO WORK is not helping her grow or learn or feel accomplished.
so on the day last week when anna was spewing forth her many stories, i finally said gently, 'do you know what i think? i think there are some terrible things going on. and i think it makes it hard for you to focus. which means you get further behind in your work. and then you get so overwhelmed you start feeling desperate and THEN you start doing things you don't agree with. do you think any part of that is true?' the tears started. i went around the desk to give anna a hug. she started sobbing. so i held her and tried to channel my mom and started tearing up myself. i felt angry at the situation. i felt empathy for anna. i felt completely helpless. it's NOT FAIR that anna has to be separated from her family. it's not fair that she has to choose between parents and education.
i eventually told her that it wasn't fair. 'but,' i said. 'there are many things that aren't right and are out of your control, true. BUT let's focus on the things you CAN control. doing your homework doesn't seem like a big deal in the midst of all your pain. but at least it's something that at the end of the day, you can put your name on and say to yourself that you did something and can stop the lying and sneaking around.' and anna said she wanted that so badly.
we came up with a plan: a timetable and people to call for help (homework and otherwise) and how to tell me (instead of lie to me) when she's overwhelmed. i made appointments for her with a counselor. i prayed with her. eventually the sobbing calmed down to sniffling and even a smile.
later i went back in my room and found this note on my desk:
people who know me well know that i often struggle with feeling like i'm not doing enough. here i am in thailand, still not feeling like i'm worthy of being here. but i came to be support. i support kids while they go through major transition. i support families by giving a solid education to their children. i support anna while she tries to make sense of life at 12. and for right now, that's enough. i'm no more worthy, but i am willing. i can't take the pain away from anna but i can hold her hand and listen. i can point her to the Truth, give hugs and love her fiercely.
