clothespins

the ONLY household chore i miss from living in the states is laundry.  i loved the freshness, the ability to take care of clothes when necessary, the rush of choosing the perfect machine setting and most of all: hanging everything outside to dry.  i dreamed of doing the same in the tropics.  could there be anything better than hanging freshly washed clothes under palm trees with butterflies flitting about?  at first, when we were packing, it was hard to convince ray of the necessity of taking clothespins to fulfill my dream.  he originally scoffed; ‘as if they don’t have clothespins in thailand?!’  i only remembered plastic ones, though, so even with little luggage space, i somehow talked ray into letting me take a bag of wooden clothespins.

wouldn’t you know it: the one chore completely out of our hands—laundry!  our landlord doesn’t allow for a washing machine.  ‘take your things to the village laundry lady like everyone else does!’  so pi baan gets the pleasure of hanging our clothes out to dry…and she does it with plastic pins. 

life just doesn’t work out like we expect, right?  that’s really hit me lately in the small things.  there are circumstances that aren’t bad, but they aren’t what I planned or accounted or worked for.  we’re constantly remodeling expectations to fit the life that is.

there are no breaks in the school year from january to april.  then i get two glorious weeks to celebrate songkran (the big water festival and new year) and catch my breath.  after that i dive back in for six more weeks to the end of the school year. 

ray and i planned a long holiday this break.  we have amazing friends who let us use their resort on the beach.  so ray scheduled time off from work, we daydreamed about sunshine away from pollution and we started book lists.  every time things got too much or the sadness came back, we looked at each other and said: ‘hold on till the beach.’  the beach is healing and relaxing and mostly: it’s away from our home.  our house is a good place, but so much sadness has happened here.  we want out—for longer than a weekend.  we want to be away from the memories and reminders that linger.  ‘wait for the beach…’

but the beach fell through.  so we’re staying here.  in our house.  the cats are happier…but i’m fighting feeling bitter.  what would it have hurt?  we are tired.  we just want a break.  why don’t things work out when you feel like you need them the most?

i don’t know. 

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i promise: i’m grateful.  i look around daily and am amazed at all i have been profusely given.  that I even have holiday options is more than 97% of the world!

and because the beach fell through, we went on an epic little trip up north where we didn’t overexpose ourselves to the sun, got to experience more of thailand and frolicked with great friends.  i wouldn’t have wanted to give that up.  but I do want to write about working through disappointment. 

this is a seemingly small issue that i’m really struggling with.  it’s harder when i can’t make logical sense of things.  it’s harder when i’m so tired that i’ve lost the right perspective.

this is the life that is, though.  whining won’t change it.  so I will pick myself up and look around at the good and accept what is. 

hmm, maybe it’s time for arts&crafts during my staycation! …anyone know any good ideas for wooden clothespins?