healing

i have a crazy story to tell you!  honestly, this is not a story i ever thought i would write, but it’s happened, i’ve lived it, so i need to tell you… 

in february, ray and i were walking in a local market called warorot, looking at all the set-up for the upcoming chinese new year festivities.  i remember feeling so great that morning.  and then suddenly, in the middle of a courtyard, surrounded by people, feeling weird and awful.  i started feeling dizzy and exhausted and nauseous. 

of course i insisted on going to school the following monday (even though ray told me i was dumb) and ended up being wheeled out and taken to the emergency room (thereby probably scaring all my students beyond repair).  over the course of the next 6 weeks, i couldn’t move for fear of the world spinning out of control.  my symptoms were getting worse and worse.  i had multiple appointments and check-ups and an eventual MRI and the doctors eventually settled on the diagnosis of meniere’s disease.  a hearing test showed that i had indeed lost some hearing in my left ear and i was told to brace myself for a lifetime of sporadic dizzy attacks and low-salt meals and to reconsider teaching as a career.  i lost chunks of memory and spent most of my days alone in our house, lying on a couch, unable to think or move in a straight line.  i would whimper at the room to please stop moving, while listening to the tv for some noise (while avoiding visual contact since things move fast on tv!).

this was all lonely and exhausting and frustrating.  but somehow, none of this felt like a complete punishment.  my default when life feels overwhelming is to work harder and worry more.  i was in a cycle of exhaustion and stress and didn’t see an end in sight.  i realized i probably needed this time…though discouragement was a constant battle.

the support and love shown to me (to us!) held me back from the edge of despair.  countless people drove up the mountain to visit for a few minutes, drop off food, deliver water, pray for me and give me cards.  my former colleague, jillian, has her doctorate in vestibular disorders, and checked in with me often (despite the time differences between america and thailand) to give advice and encouragement.  i had an amazing long-term sub at school that loved those kids and taught with excellence.  my co-teacher held it all together and still came up every few days to see me.  and my husband never wavered.  that man deserves a gold medal!  i’m still reeling from the community that cushioned us FROM DAY ONE of this experience.  i will never be able to say thank you enough.

some of the incredible, creative cards I received.

but i’m getting away from the best part of this story: this crazy, amazing healing!  God deserves all the credit for this miracle.  He spoke to many people last week about specific prayers for me.  two women came on sunday saying they had been convicted by the bible passage of james chapter 5 to lay hands on me, anoint me with oil and pray for healing.  they wanted to bring a large group of people, however, and that had been discouraged since i had to keep all stimulation to a minimum.  i thought it sounded great, though, and they said they would organize it.  even before they were able to tell people of their plan, God spoke to three other individuals about a similar thing.  one felt led to speak to the kids about it in elementary chapel.  they drew an outline of me (or really: a cute kindergartener!) and every student signed their name and oil was pressed into the paper and prayer was spoken for my healing.  another woman came up the mountain to encourage me and shared a bible passage that spoke deeply to me. the other dear woman came up on monday.  ever since she prayed, my symptoms of dizziness and exhaustion were greatly reduced.  there was a great heaviness of darkness, however, that permeated the week.  i couldn't sleep and felt great oppression.   

on thursday three cars pulled in to the house and many, many people from school streamed out.  what followed was a beautiful time of protection, freedom, worship, thanksgiving and emotion.  the darkness lifted, light poured in and God's spirit was in this place.  people stayed for almost an hour—much longer than the 20 planned minutes!  

when they left i was still on the couch—tired, but nowhere close to what i was normally after even a short conversation.  i was overwhelmed with people's love and God's presence.  i was so overwhelmed i was on my face on the floor, crying and praising.  i then got up to play the piano.  i hadn't played in months—most recently because of the memory loss and couldn't make sense of the music.  suddenly i could read clearly, however, and had such fun playing!  following that i went to write down the main things that God had said to me during the prayer time.  at the bottom of the page, i had almost run out of room, but i felt like my hand was taken over and i didn't know what i was writing.  i looked to see what was on the paper and i saw: ‘i am healed.’  and that's when i knew.  God had worked a miracle.  

the paper when i saw that i was healed.

earlier that morning i couldn't walk a straight line and that evening i was running around our yard!  when my dear calm husband walked in from work, i hugged him and exclaimed, 'are you ready for this?!  i have so much to tell you!' 

it’s been a week now and i keep feeling better and better!  i feel the best i have in many long months!

i am overflowing with gratefulness.  so many gave encouragement, meals, notes, water and time.  i doubt i will ever lose this feeling of amazement over abundant provision.  thank you.  

reunited with some of the teachers who came on that thursday.

i will be returning to teaching on monday.  i will work part-time, teaching classes in the morning for the next two weeks.  the wonderful marge will continue teaching in the afternoons.  following the april break, i hope to be back to teaching full-time for the duration of the school year.  

seeing some of my students for the first time in a long time!

i know that many of you are going to be weirded out by this story.  i can only tell you what’s happened to me and let you take this account how you will.  but i do hope you’re stretched to be amazed at this mysterious, beautiful world and have a conversation with God about it.